Unexpected

Things have been rather stressful lately at work. Well, same old problem actually… Bah, not worthy of further elaboration. Would be more fruitful to think of how to solve things instead. And, do the solving.

And so, I’ve been letting it all out on people dearest to me, especially poor, poor, poor Pighead. Sorry, darling, I’ve been very unreasonable, I know. :’(

Few hours ago, I attended a local singer’s performance at a nearby music cafe. Hours before that, I was still debating whether or not to go, due to a tight budget (…it’s so hard to save money!) and of course, my usual laziness.

The performance was scheduled at 9.00 p.m. and I actually reached there 20 minutes early (…man, I haven’t been that early for quite some time -_-”’), hoping to get a good seat.

Alas, I didn’t. It was not really a very big place, with some of the tables reserved for orang-orang yang berkenaan (translation: relevant persons), not to mention most of the tables were four-seaters or more, and me being alone… I ended up with a table in the smoking area instead. *sweat*

I ordered their fried rice and a chocolate smoothie. They were okay by my standards, hehe. Hmmm, I think I’ve fallen in love with chocolate smoothies… But they are always so expensive! *hrumph* Halfway through my meal, I noticed two six-seater tables in the non-smoking area being made available. I was very tempted to move myself to one of them, but decided against it. I was alone, after all. *sob* I decided that I was going to be content with listening to the performance from where I already was.

The performance didn’t start on time, and that was actually quite a big minus point for me (despite being a chronic latecomer myself…). I kind of suspected that it was probably going to start at 9.30 p.m. instead as that was the regular starting hour for the usual performances at the music cafe. And I was right.

Hey, if you were going to start at 9.30 p.m. then say the show is scheduled at 9.30 p.m. okay??? *hrumph*

Well, the show started and to my dismay, I realized there were no speakers in the smoking area, thus the sound was extremely blur, given the fact that the smoking area was separated from the non-smoking area with ceiling-to-floor glass panes. After a little dilly-dallying and a prompt from the singer, I left my bag at my table and finally went to the non-smoking area with the intention of asking some patrons whether or not I can share a table with them. But I met one of the persons-in-charge halfway and asked him for a seat in the non-smoking area as I couldn’t hear clearly in the smoking area. He wasn’t of much help as all the tables were occupied there, but he apologized and did mention that I could stand at one side of a wall that was not blocked by anything. *sweat*

Absurd as that sounded, that’s what I ended up doing anyway. *sheepish grin*

I gave up on my original mission and went back to my table to decide my next step. And found that they’ve cleared my table, including my 20% yet-to-be finished smoothie! *sob*. I intended to finish off that smoothie, okay! *hrumph* Whining to myself and without further ado, I collected my bag and everything and went to the counter to pay up. And, I saw my smoothie on the counter!!! I was sooooo tempted to finish it off there and then!!!!! *whine*

Well, I didn’t. Sigh.

So I paid the bill with a heavy heart and claimed my spot by the wall. There was a ceiling spotlight there, if I wasn’t mistaken. I actually felt a bit highlighted, what with the waiters and waitresses walking to and fro in front of me and two occupied tables at each of my sides. -_-”’ This is usually where my thick-skinnedness kicks in. I wasn’t the slightest bit ashamed. =P

But, to my utter surprise, the singer, Jet, actually asked me to sit at one of the reserved tables in front!!!. He caught me standing by the wall halfway through his third song and saying that he was afraid I might get cramps as it was a long night ahead, made the invitation on the stage in front of everyone!!! Oh yeah, I was definitely highlighted. *sweat*

Truthfully speaking, I did notice the empty seats there and personally thought that they were a bit wasted. *what*

Nevertheless, despite being so openly invited, I still moved reluctantly towards the table (which was right in front of the stage!). Despite my thick-skinnedness, I was quite shy also lar… *sheepish grin*

Finally getting the seat that I desired in the first place, I immersed myself in the songs. I originally intended to leave by 10.00 p.m. as I didn’t want to reach home too late into the night. Well, with a big minus point for starting late and having to stand by the wall all by myself, the move was well accounted for. But with the VIP seat and the mesmerizing melodies, I lost all motivation to leave early… *sheepish grin*

Frankly speaking, I’m not really familiar with Jet. I’m not even his fan to start with. Yet I was there. For no apparent reason, just because I felt like it. -_-”’ Well, okay, some of his songs really struck out to me and he left me with good impressions (straightforward, originality, lovely songs…) over radio interviews that I managed to catch.

I’m terribly glad that I was there. :)

Listening back to my mp3 player recording of the performance… I think he talked too much. =P But I really enjoyed the live performance, seriously. I wished I could play the keyboard as well as Yu Heng, who was Jet’s special guest. And I wished I could write beautiful songs as well as they do.

Some of the songs really touched my heart. And made me thought of Pighead and my parents, especially my dad. Especially the last few ones. The last one, Hua De Hua (translation: the message of the flowers) made my tears flow as it reminded me of what my dad had said when I relocated myself to the big city more than two years ago, informing him of my plans only weeks before I was scheduled to fly. I was afraid that he would oppose my motion heavily. The song sang about what his parents told him when he left to travel around the world on his own without telling anyone.

He sat just opposite me after the show! I honestly didn’t know how to react and was a little nervous. Thank goodness he was there only for a few seconds. *phew*

I was so touched by the last few songs, so much so that the emotions stayed with me well into the CD and poster signature session. I was the first to get his CD after that, and I was also the first to get his signature. Nearing my breaking point, i.e. tears (hey, anything emotional related to my dad makes me cry…), I asked for a photograph with him, to which he consented to without qualms. As I told him that listening to him made me cry, my tears started to trickle. But we managed to get a good picture together. ^.^

I think he ran out of things to say, or he probably couldn’t get what I was being so touched about, because his comments were, uh, let’s just say I couldn’t feel with what he responded. A little on-the-surface kind of comment, the kind that you say just to say it, if you know what I mean. *sweat* But he’s graciously forgiven. =P

And I did the unexpected thing.

I hugged him. With my tears trickling.

Yeah.

Listening to my recording again, of the last song, I feel like hugging him all over again. I’ve always loved that song, ever since the first time I heard it on the radio. It’s the kind of song that you feel as if someone understands what you’ve been through when you listen to it. Yeah.

Sigh.

I felt so silly during my walk home, yet happy and liberated, haha. I felt like crying again at certain points, when I thought of what I thought during that last song.

A wonderful and meaningful night indeed. I was truly meant to be there and it did me good emotionally. Thank you very much, Jet Yi Jie Qi! *hugs*

… … …

Thank you, Lord. From the bottom of my heart.

Their Birthdays

My sister just showed me some pictures in her handphone, which made my heart a little sore at the core. They were from my brother, taken at home using his camera handphone during the small birthday celebrations of my mom’s and dad’s. They were a bit blurry due to low resolution of the camera handphone, but still, a picture speaks a thousand words…

In all the pictures, it was obvious that my dad is having problem with his eyes. He wasn’t looking at the camera handphone at all. Just a smile in each of the pictures. Well, according to him, his left eye is still okay but things are very blurry in his right eye. And to prevent further strain on his right eye, he shuts it most of the time, seeing the world with his left eye only now. From experience, I know that that can be quite uncomfortable as well.

He doesn’t drive anymore, but he still works. Because we children who are already working are still not able to support the family. The story is long and I don’t see the need to explain it here.

Nowadays, he only goes to work on working days and church on Sundays. He used to join some movements in church and also held some positions in some associations back when there was no problem with his eyesight. I guess he has pulled out from all of them since. And he had lost quite a bit of weight too. All of a sudden, he became so fragile…

I wish I was there to celebrate their birthdays, my mom and dad, as well. I didn’t have a thought about it at all until I saw those pictures, and now regret is tugging at my heart and I wonder whether there’s chance to make up for it… whether I’ll waste the chance again…

We celebrate our birthdays according to the Chinese lunar calendar at home. My mom said it is for us to remember our lunar birthdays and after all, friends would be celebrating our birthdays according to the Gregorian calendar. Not really, but I attribute that to my lack of good social skills. Doesn’t matter anyway.

I actually forgot their birthdays. I had to have my cousin sister to remind me. Shame on me.

From the pictures, my guess is that my siblings surprised dad with a birthday cake. And I was surprised that my dad actually agreed to take pictures in clothes that are not so, uh, presentable, something he had always stressed on. There was once when I insisted to take a picture with him, but he simply refused, dodged and ran away. No kidding. And I think he was actually amused with all the dodging and running away, even though I was a bit upset.

Don’t do that with your kids, it’s not good for your relationship.

And for my mom’s birthday, now that’s quite a bit of a story to tell, as if carefully arranged by God, too many coincidences to be a coincidence… I’ll leave it for another entry.

… … …

I feel much better now. I don’t know why I cry everytime I think deeply about my dad.

Pray and hope that I won’t take things for granted again and again… and again.

I Hate Debts!

Am feeling quite irritated. With stress from everywhere. @$%#@^&%#!!!

I whole-heartedly hate debts!

Financial debts, to be exact.

Pighead has them. My dad has them. Damn.

The thing with debts, especially credit card debts, is that if you don’t pay them off, the interest will build up like crazy and before you know it, hellooooo, your debts had actually doubled or tripled since you last checked the original amount!

Okay, I’m exaggerating. Well, I’m terribly not pleased, to put it mildly. *sulk*

Man, I’m awfully cranky!

And I hate my weak planning and management skills too!