Old

I look like an old hag. *sob*

It’s In Me

Can I play my music, please? Please…

Homesick. No Thanks To AirAsia.

Yeah, no thanks to the Now Everyone Can Fly airline that my sisters and I are not celebrating Chinese New Year in my own hometown this year. The cheek of the airline, those people deliberately refused to give full promotion for Chinese New Year air tickets, lowering the price only when there were leftover tickets at the ninth or tenth hour (read: close to eleventh hour *cross arms*), amounting to RM500++ per person for a return trip, down 50% from the freaking RM1000++ mark before that. Even so, with the four of us siblings here, the total amount would still reach a freaking RM2000++!

Just when I had to part with most of my savings too for unavoidable reasons… 2007 was definitely not a good financial year for me… *sob*

Hellooooooooo AirAsia, thought you were a no-frills low-cost airline?? How can you charge more than RM1000 for a return flight, which is around the figure offered by MAS?? And you don’t even provide free meals!! You even have the cheek to exclude peak seasons from your promotional offerings now!! You don’t care about your customers at all!! Heartless, selfish, profit-hungry, money-sucking airline leech monster!!!! *sob*

And so, this year I’m stuck in the big city for Chinese New Year (no thanks to AirAsia!). At first I thought that it would be just as well, as I need time to prepare for the CFA Level 1 scholarship contest paper on February 23. But, I find that the more Chinese New Year looms nearer, the more I wish I’m at home now… Almost cried when I thought of it on my walk home from the LRT station hours ago (well, I am a crybaby by nature…). I promise myself that I’ll definitely be back for Chinese New Year next year. Period. You guys out there who are heading home for the auspicious celebration, be very grateful that you are able to do so. Don’t take things for granted.

Stupid. I’m homesick. No thanks to AirAsia. Tak guna.

A Home Is Not A Home When…

…there is hostility.

…indifference is aplenty.

…you are being ignored every now and then, as if you do not exist.

…each only minds her own business.

…nobody cares enough to listen.

…nobody bothers to share.

…nobody bothers to help out.

…nobody bothers to prepare meals.

…nobody cares and nobody wants to be cared for by you.

…you are threading on thin ice with each spoken or unspoken word, as well as action taken or not taken.

…each is actually related to you, they are not mere housemates.

…that sense of belonging…is missing.

Faith Of The Heart

I’ve just realized of late that I’m actually quite into movie and drama soundtracks. They remind me of some scenes from the movies and dramas that striked out to me, regardless of the language. One particular Hindi movie, Kal Ho Naa Ho, stands out quite firmly in my list of all-time favourites. The soundtracks are awesome, although I have no idea what they’re singing about. I’m more of a melody person, I guess, I usually don’t bother to listen to lyrics.

Anyway, Faith Of The Heart by Rod Stewart is a soundtrack from an American movie, Patch Adams. Simply said, it’s based on a true story about a very clever man who truly believes that laughter is the best medicine, and his journey of making his dream of building a hospital full of laughter come true. Everyone thought he was crazy. But that was before he was admitted to a mental hospital, for reasons I can’t quite remember. Maybe that’s why everyone thought he was crazy… He gave up on his dream when the woman he truly loved was killed by a burglar, but later picked himself up and started all over again. Somehow, I couldn’t forget the part where he gave up on his dream…

Well, that’s how I remembered the movie. It stars Robin Williams, one of my favourite actors because he always looks so contented and never fails to make people laugh. :)

The song caught my attention lately when I did pay attention to its lyrics. But what it sings of is only a bare reflection of my own life, I feel. Because I haven’t really been through much…

And I still don’t have any goals in sight…yet.

But I strongly feel the winds of change in my life, their ever presence. Praise the Lord, their magnitudes are quite bearable so far. Or maybe I’m just too blur to realize the real impact… Nevertheless, no matter what happens, life still goes on. After all, things do happen for one reason or another. When the going gets tough, faith is very much needed in order to believe that better things are in store in the future.

It’s been a long road
Gettin’ from there to here
It’s been a long time
But my time is finally near

And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothing’s in my way
And they’re not gonna hold me down no more
No they’re not gonna hold me down

Chorus
‘Cause I’ve got faith of the heart
I’m goin’ where my heart will take me
I’ve got faith to believe
I can do anything
I’ve got strength of the soul
No one’s gonna bend nor break me
I can reach any star
I’ve got faith
Faith of the heart

It’s been a long night
Tryin’ to find my way
Been through the darkness
Now I finally have my day

And I will see my dream come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they’re not gonna hold me down no more
No they’re not gonna change my mind

Chorus

I know the wind’s so cold
I’ve seen the darkest days
But now the winds I feel
Are only winds of change

I’ve been through the fire
And I’ve been through the rain
But I’ll be fine

Chorus

It’s been a long road

Yeah, it’s been a long road all right. And it doesn’t stop here.

A Thoughtful Gift…And Note

A thoughtful gift made my day during my company’s Christmas gift exchange this year. It wasn’t what I wrote in our Christmas wishlist, a wishlist that was hopelessly disfigured by some people, albeit quite creatively though. I asked for rechargeable AAA batteries for my MP3 player actually, as I thought I’d lost my only remaining not-likely-to-survive-long AAA battery (found it again the other day…). The other one began to show signs of aging few months ago (despite being used for one and a half year only…) and had since been disposed of for fear of explosion.

Back to the gift, it was a crystal bangle with purple crystals supposedly for good fortune in career. Santa even wrote a little note to express apology for not giving me what I wished for as Santa had bought the gift before I wrote what I wrote in the wishlist, haha…which I think was really sweet. In fact, the little note itself put more value and meaning to the gift, which was also a pleasant surprise itself. Well, I might not be wearing it often as things tend to deteriorate at a much faster rate in my hands, but it will be one of the little treasures that I cherish and keep for a long time. Thank you, Santa, true from my heart. ^.^

Actually, I have quite a good guess of who Santa might be, of course, due to the handwriting on the note. I wasn’t the one who recognised the handwriting though (didn’t cross my mind to take note of things like these, hehe…), some of the colleagues did. The guess was further confirmed when the suspected Santa didn’t bother to ask about my gift when I asked about Santa’s, hehe… Well, I didn’t probe further, thought that will spoil all the fun. After all, it’s the spirit of giving that counts…even though it might get a wee bit off the path sometimes… (…animal jokes CDs, for example… -_-”’)

The Magic Of Old MP3s

Wow…it’s December already. Exactly two months from now, I’ll be celebrating my 27th birthday. Sigh…I don’t feel like growing up. Well, it should be growing old actually, but in my honest opinion, experience wise, it really does not apply to someone as blur and naive as me (or am I really that blur and naive, hmmm…).

Why doesn’t time stop once in a while? It would be so nice… Or perhaps it did, just that none of us realized that it did…

Am getting more and more forgetful. Sometimes I feel as if I’m losing myself every now and then. I don’t remember what I’ve said, what’s more to say of what people has told me. Sigh…physically, I am growing old. But I think it’s largely due to lack of sleep. I have this bad habit of refusing to turn in even though it’s obviously time for me to sleep, be it due to tiredness or sleepiness. Usually I won’t go to sleep until I can’t stand it anymore. Yes, it’s crazy and stupid. Hope this won’t cause me dementia. *cross fingers*

Anyway, been copying some old MP3s to my office computer and listening to them at work for the past two weeks. The feeling is just so…refreshingly nostalgic. I felt as if I’ve found a lost part of me… *chuckles* And I’ve been singing out loud (quite loud actually sometimes, ahem…) while listening to the old songs via my earphones, much to the amusement (might as well add aggravation here, hehe…) of my colleagues, haha (bat hou yi si, sumimasen, hehe…).

Some of the songs are amazingly soothing…the romantic soundtracks of Para Para Sakura, for example. I’ve got two in my collection that simply…fly me away with every note everytime I listen to them…beautiful, just so beautiful. Listening to them had me thinking of some scenes from the movie itself, which was actually quite a sweet one for me. Somehow reminded me a little of me and Pig Head as well. :) On the other hand, it’s another thing all together if a quarrel manages to erupt…thankfully, that’s only once in a long while, hehe.

Listening to the fast tracks, on the other hand, tempts me to take up some modern dance classes. Or just simply re-visit the few pop dances that I used to learn (…through MVs and downloaded shows…) and dance on my own. Mostly Jolin’s though, the old ones. My favourite one would be Shinhwa’s Hero. ^.^ But it’s been a while since I danced to those tunes, sigh, not sure whether can still recall the steps… Or perhaps, my body would the one that would not respond well due to aging, sighhhhh… (but got yoga still boleh tahan gua…)

I need to recharge myself with some old stuff once in a while, I guess. To find back the part of me that I’d lost but should’ve retained as time mercilessly flies away without waiting for anything, carrying one reluctant and confused me on its wings… My hopes, my dreams… Even though it’s too late for certain things to be done and realized now, not all are lost. It’s still not too late.

Fatigue & A Little On Company Trip 2007

Feel so tired right now… Lack of sleep is stealing my consciousness, not to mention memory *groan*… As I’ve mentioned before, I even procrastinate my one and only shower time in a day… As such, I subsequently procrastinate my sleeping time as well (read: great elements of procrastination at work here)… @.@ Will need time to overturn these bad habits (no thanks to procrastination!)… *yawn* Maybe I’ll keep track of my progress here, perhaps that’ll discipline me (bye bye to procrastination!)… Anyway, if anyone guessed it, I haven’t taken my shower yet… *blekkk*

*shower*

Went for yoga class a while ago actually, which might have attributed even more to the existing fatigueness. Injured my right inner thigh slightly too, ouch… Hope it’s temporary. Well, my right inner thigh didn’t feel quite right already after Tuesday’s CFA class, probably due to bad sitting posture. It was still hurting a wee bit yesterday, but the little tinge of pain was not there anymore the whole day today. And so, I forgot all about it and stretched it as much as I could during yoga… *sigh*

On a side note, coming Saturday will see me and my colleagues heading to the forests of Jerangkang, Pahang, for our company trip this year. We will be doing jungle activities and camping for our company trip when some lucky people get to tour Bali for their company trip. *sob* But, don’t underestimate the monetary value of this company trip. It costs a freaking RM500 per person! To think that we are going to torture ourselves, camp and spend one and a half day there only… -_-”’

Anyhow, I’m looking forward to enjoy myself and I hope it will be a memorable trip, albeit a short one, for me and my colleagues. It is something out of the ordinary, although I silently hope that our company trips could be more relaxing (hey, it is weekend…) (…it was a motivation camp at Bukit Tinggi last year… -_-”’), I believe I will be able to learn and grow more from activities like these. :)

Shouldn’t be too tired gua after coming back from the trip? Haven’t really recuperate, sleep wise, from the Gunung Irau and Gunung Brinchang hiking trip… *groan* Okay, time to doze off…

*sekejap*

P/S: My blog entry on the Gunung Irau and Gunung Brinchang hiking trip is still being drafted as of now, be prepared for a long post… *wicked grin* The entry’s date will be earlier than this entry’s though as I started on the former first.

*snore*

An Unexpected Feedback

Often when I’m hit by a wave of mild depression, I’d confide my weaknesses and problems to anyone who I deem is willing to listen to my…uh, lamentations. Few weeks ago, when I was once again not thinking straight, one of the lucky persons was Susan, my previous manager at my current company. I’m quite grateful to her for having listened to me and for sharing with me her own similar experiences. She’s one of the few people whose words had managed to sink into my stubborn head…or perhaps it’s just a question of timing. :P

Anyway, few days ago, she left a message for me on YM, asking me to YM her when I was free because she had something to feedback to me. My mind immediately wandered back to our last Saturday’s Cameron Highland’s Gunung Irau and Gunung Brinchang hiking trip, of which I will blog about later. I began to think about what I did wrong, or even right, during the whole Cameron trip, especially the hike.

Coincidentally, I was busy with meetings and discussions for the most part of the day, so you can just imagine how the curiosity was really suffocating me…okay, I was exaggerating. But I did kept wondering on and off about what the feedback was all about.

The time finally came. Well, it was something totally unexpected…it was about my body odour, or body scent, as she called it. *paiseh*

Well, I personally do not think much of the problem, although I did try, at several points of my life, to google it up on the net when I was curious about the cure for the problem. It has long since escaped my mind until Susan brought it up that day, mainly because I was simply too lazy to take care of the problem (the suggested solutions must have been too troublesome to follow…). *sheepish grin*

My earliest memory of having the problem was during my secondary school years. Or was it as early as primary school? Anyway, my mom sort of mentioned to me about it and later bought me a deodorant to overcome the problem. Being the naive me, I just followed instructions and that was it. I really didn’t thought much about it. And I practically stuck to deodorants only. It was either deodorants…or none at all (my poor friends…). *paiseh*

As counter-measures, Susan suggested a shower every morning before heading out or…use deodorants.

… … …

You know your deodorant is terribly ineffective when people is suggesting that you use deodorants when in fact you have been using deodorants. *sob*

It’s impossible for me to take a shower every morning before heading out. I’m way too lazy for that, heck, I even procrastinate my one and only shower time in a day… *paiseh* And so, I emphasized to Susan that it’s just not a priority of mine to overcome it at the moment because in my mind, I had other things to pay attention to. But she stressed that it should be a priority of mine. I can understand her point of view. It is very important for self-image and is a form of self-awareness as well as self-hygiene, but I’m simply not up to it right now, especially if you want me to shower every morning. *faint*

So I think I’ll compromise a little. Actually, a while back one of my sisters found this deodorant by Total Image at Watson’s which she said is quite effective in ridding body odour. Another sister tried it and testified to its effectiveness as well, compared to commercial deodorants. I myself had yet to try it because I had just bought another Enchanteur Romantic Roll-On Deodorant 50ml then, in addition to an existing new one (kiasu, wan to buy cheap cheap, scare the price naik…). Yeah, I’ve been a loyal consumer of this deodorant for quite some time now, with deliberate ignorance of its ineffectiveness. *paiseh* Another reason would be the obvious price difference, i.e. RM6.80 for 50ml versus RM14.90 for 60g, but then, if it’s really that effective…

I’ve decided to get the Total Image deodorant and use it in alternate with the Enchanteur deodorant until I finish off both of the Enchanteur deodorants. *beam*

For the sake of those who have the same problem as I do and with the level of laziness that matches mine, here’s more about the Total Image deodorant:

Smelly No More
Natural Crystal Roll On Deodorant Stick

A 24 hour anti bacteria deodorant formulated from natural mineral crystal salt that fights body odour.

Trusted for centuries by the people in the Far East & Asia, pure and natural crystal stone is one of the most effective remedies to rid strong body odour (but I’ve never heard of it until now…).

300% more effective than commercial deodorant.
Hypo-allergenic
Alcohol free
Non sticky

P/S: I don’t go for anti-perspirant deodorants because of a forwarded email I received quite some time ago about anti-perspirant deodorants causing breast cancers. Since I don’t care much about my body scent, it isn’t something that I’d risk my life for.

Starting Afresh

I have been a sporadic blogger over at Blogger’s for the past few years. I blogged for attention (…although I had remained anonymous all the way, save for the revelation of my own full name), and I blogged to rant. And of late, my blog posts have been rather emotional and full of excess baggage as I was coping with a mild depression.

Well, I am still coping with some depression, more or less. However, after stumbling upon WordPress.com again whilst looking out for user interface samples for my work lately and trying out the user name autumnmusic on it successfully, a eureeka! sounded in my head (…well, sort of). I felt a strong urge to start anew with a new blog where I will blog and share bits and pieces of my life experiences on a less personal level than before. It was time for me to, say, grow up…in a way. I’m not sure what way…yet.

I hope this blog will help me build up and affirm my true characteristics. To help me confidently become, accept and improve myself as time goes by.

come and have a cup of tea with me… will be my starting theme. I hope my readers will accompany me on this journey of self-discovery as I tell my story entry by entry. Constructive feedbacks are most welcomed, even a casual non-threatening comment will bring me joy. Harsh, insensitive and degrading comments will be totally rejected based solely on my own judgement.

As for the name of the blog… I love autumn and I love music. As simple as that.